can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
