I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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