Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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