I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
