I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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