mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
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I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
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We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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