Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
