Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
