Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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