It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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