If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
