i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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