now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
