reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize