my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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