Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
