that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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