I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
whose parrot is this?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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