Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
