Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
