I heard we made out
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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