you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
