sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize