Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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