I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
