I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
