Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You can't special order awesome
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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