he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
accomplished twins. life is a go
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
