So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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