I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize