Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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