i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
