bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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