from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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