i think i have two assholes
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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