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So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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