i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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