is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
