The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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