I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
