i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
