I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
