I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
