I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
