I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
