i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You made out with two different species that night
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
