I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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