It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
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I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
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Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
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