Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
