My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
this just has baby written all over it
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
