dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
