TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
