Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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