Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
