i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.