If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash