if i can run in heels then i can drive
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
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Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
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I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.