zippers are such a cool invention
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?