i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator