i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
