No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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