spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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