let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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