You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
